“Oh, that new Annabelle movie is garbage.”
“Don’t waste your money, bro.”
“It wasn’t even scary!”
Those are some of the things I was hearing about this movie before I decided to rustle up the dough and watch it and let me tell y’all…. these people were dead wrong. I don’t know what they were watching, but the movie I saw was a completely different film. That last one is especially wrong. I was terrified out of my mind! Peed a little bit; not even going to lie. I definitely left some urine and my manhood in that theater. Once that first high pitch scream left my mouth, I knew it was all down hill from that point. Let’s dig right in to this scary ass movie.
(Warning: This review might contain a spoiler or two. Oops my bad, homie.)
Okay so first off let me explain that this movie is a prequel. Yes, for those of you who don’t know Annabelle, the doll, was in The Conjuring. That was the other scary movie that turned grown men into sissies. You’re probably thinking, “Well that’s a given right. Pretty obvious that this takes place before the events of The Conjuring.” NOPE! Most of the people I talk to didn’t even realize that. Anyway, the movie is about a doll and Satan, yada yada yada. The premise of the movie is one that is very isn’t too far-fetched. Here are some white people that buy a scary looking doll and then have demonic happenings surrounding them. Seems legit so far.
There was non-stop scares all throughout this flick. I had to apologize to the couple behind me for constantly jumping and spilling my popcorn. Fellas, avoid seeing this movie on a date. You will scream like a little b*tch. It’s inevitable. You chances of getting date number two will decrease exponentially every time you block your eyes with your popcorn. It got so bad, that at one point when the suspense was building I was yelling at the movie. “Come on! If you’re going going to scare me, let’s do it! I’m ready!” I got back to my apartment and started reading the Bible and the Qur’an. You can’t be picky in times like that.
This movie was a good one folks. If you need a good scare and to not be able to go in your apartment alone for a few weeks go ahead and go for it. The only gripe I had was the end. It was definitely a head scratcher there. It was one of those points when I’m sure the writer was like, “Okay we’re going to end it here but I have no idea how to do it so here is a random occurrence that finishes out the movie.” Bad ending or not, this movie gets the Rob Stamp of Approval! If you have read my other reviews you know this means absolute nothing, but if you want to confuse the f*ck out of the person at the ticket window, tell em Rob sent ya.
RATING: 4.1/5.0 Red Solo Cups