“Is it bad that I’m in a fraternity, drink every chance I get , and still would rather watch frozen over sex? #turndownforolaf”
“Laying next to my sleeping girlfriend, jacking off, thinking about f*****g her fine ass roommate #wishfulthinking”
“Got a fantastic blow job from my girlfriend in the study lounge at the library #noblinds #peoplesaw #OregonState”
“Movie date with one guy at night, hookup date with another later at night #yolo”
“The one person I can drunk text and send nudes to, erased me from snapchat. #fml #HornyAsFuck”
“I got head from my ex at a party, took a snapchat and sent it to the bros and her new boyfriend.”
“I was drinking at a bar with a friend one night and after I went back to my best guy friends room and talked about how much I want to have sex”
“I have the body, beauty and brains but I’m still a virgin because I actually want to give it up to a special guy that is worthy of everything I have to offer. #hardtoget #butsoworthitipromise”
“Last spring I had a 2.2 gpa & a boyfriend. This spring I got a 3.3 gpa and have no boyfriend. #BoysMakeYouStupid”
This happened at the end of my freshman year. When I was 19/20 years old, I was pretty ridiculous, as evidenced by this story.
I woke up on a Saturday really early morning. I had crashed on the floor at a house party, at the house of someone I didn’t know. I had a headache and didn’t remember a lot of the previous night. I moved my head and realized I had been sleeping in between some chick’s thighs. Literally, most of my head was on one of her thighs, and I was staring right at her twat. There was this sort of odor around us that suggested pretty well what had happened. I got up and stole a shirt she was using as a pillow from under her head. She stirred but didn’t wake up and I left.
Later on that day, I really regretted not remembering hooking up with her, so I made it my mission to compensate by banging someone while I was mentally cognizant. So I made a ton of booty calls that afternoon; some of these were girls I’d banged in the past, some were friends, a couple were girls I’d been keeping around recently. One of the latter two girls said she wasn’t doing much and would come over after she finished her biology homework. I’ll call her Sandra.
So we f****d on my bed, in my dorm room later on that evening. Here’s the thing, Sandra was a freak; she brought a bottle of wine over and proceeded to drink from it while f*****g me. Because she wanted to do it like that, I made her sit on top. I bounced her on top of me, watching her slurp from this wine bottle, moaning in to the bottle and creating a sex-version of that whistling sound you get from blowing in to the neck of a bottle. It was really funny when she came. She was chugging the wine when it happened, I guess to maximize the experience, and it flew out of her mouth, smashed on my floor and she spewed all this wine on to my face and my pillow. Then I came. I was laughing while I came.
I would have normally been pissed off about the wine bottle, but in this case it was just hilarious, all this wine all over my bed and the fact that it happened during sex. And she cleaned it up. So it was fine.
I was so drunk that I got locked out of a frat house and I figured the best way to get their attention was to punch a whole through their window.
After painting their walls with my blood, I went to my friends house to sober up and bandage up.
Then, I realized one of my friends wasn’t there.
So, I took it upon myself to sneak out and save her from being lost downtown.
She actually was still at the party, and in reality, I was the lost one.
Eventually I was discovered wandering the streets by a search party of my friends who took me back to campus.
I learned all about my night via pictures and videos… Oh and the chunk missing from my thumb? I have a scar on it in the shape of a mouth that smiles at me every day.
Let’s start this off by saying I’m that golden child. I never do anything wrong and I was, by far, my parent’s favorite son.
I went into college with the mindset that I was never going to drink.
Well… That changed real quick.
Towards the end of my first semester, one of my friends, we’ll call him “Josh”, was taking these two smoking hot chicks with him to a party with a guy we’ll call “Nick”.
Josh told me that if I wanted to go, I had to leave with them right now because they had a DD waiting for them. Obviously I told him to wait a second so I could go and change into some clothes.
I knew they’d been pregaming, but I hadn’t because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do that night. So, while I was in my room, I take an enormous pull of rum (Probably close to 3 or 4 shots) and fill up my flask.
So, on the way there, I end up sitting bitch middle in the backseat. Nick was shotgun, while Josh and one of the girls sat on either side of me.
Where was the other girl?
She was, of course, laying across the 3 of us in the back seat. And, being the huge virgin that I was at the time, couldn’t help but think I had this SMOKING HOT CHICK’S ASS on my lap. I mean, she was wayyy out of my league. but I made it my mission that tonight, I’d f**k this chick.
Or at the very least, get some head.
By the time we get to the party I’m still sober and think to myself that I couldn’t possibly do this sober. So I drank some more out of my flask and drink some Jungle Juice (I hadn’t quite got the whole beer thing down by this point, but don’t worry I do now).
So after a little time went by, I got a lot drunker. I see Holly standing alone at a table on her phone.
So, naturally, I walk up to her.
I started off with some, “How are you?,” bullshit and then said, “You’re Holly right?”
And she said, “How’d you know that?”
Then I told her I was the one she was laying on top of.
We talked for a good 20-30 minutes and I thought we hit it off pretty good. Then she said she had to go to the bathroom. So while she was doing her thing, Nick comes up to me and says something to the effect of: “Dude, it’s going real good with you and her, why don’t you ask if she wants to go upstairs? Her friend says she’s real easy.”
Regretfully, I ignored Nick. She came back and I ended up chugging the rest of my JJ, (keep in mind I’ve had 6-7 cups of it by now and my flask was empty.)
So I thought I’d be a nice guy and ask if Holly wanted any too. She declined, explaining that she was way too drunk. So I offered to get her some water.
So I get the drinks and we start talking again and suddenly this guy starts to text her. Turns out it was her recent ex boyfriend, or some shit like that. She asks me if she should reply, and I say that I’m not going to tell her what to do, and I’m not going to mess with it.
(Yeah, dumbfuck, you shoulda said no)
Things kinda of dissolve from memory after this.
Next thing I remember is that we all headed back to…
“Met this random chick at a party and 15 minutes later she was sucking my dick in the bathroom. My best friend texted me at the time “what you doing”? I told him the truth and said getting my dick sucked. He didn’t believe me so I went to snapchat and took a pic of it and before I could click send the chick grabbed my phone saw it then punched me really hard in the chest and said, GTFO. #winning”
“Moved college and f****d two 9′s on that first weekend. #turnup”