“This is, to my knowledge, the true story of Halloween 2013 as I experienced it. On the other hand, it’s been the better part of a year and I still don’t think I remember everything. But my friends love this story and we decided it should be shared. 

After ending up in Athens a day early, going to a house party, passing out on a friend’s floor, going to the football game, and helping one of my buddies who went down there with me (we live a couple hours away) find his truck, I got back to another friend’s house in time to pregame for the festivities. Everyone else was playing drinking games, and at some point I ended up with someone’s drink. Later on, another guy texted me to meet him at the block party on Church Street.

This is where it gets a little confused. I saw a guy who had been in OU’s marching band. At some point someone emptied a water bong onto my head, and it was before I ran into a guy I knew in high school. He looked at me and said, “Dude, you look like a wet shit and smell like you rolled in a weed field.” That’s seriously how I remember that conversation.

A guy got arrested for punching a horse. I saw it happen.

After party hopping for a little while, I ended up in a big mosh pit. The guy I went there with was at the other end of it, because he remembered seeing the fight start.

A lot of people ask me if it’s true that some people practically rioted down there. I tell them not to beat me to the funny part.

I don’t know why, but someone threw a beer at my head and then a fight started. There’s a difference between a fight and a mosh pit, and this was a thirty-person fight. One of the other guys hit me hard in the back, so I turned around and punched him in the face-I’m pretty sure I broke his nose. Now, I’m by no means a pacifist and I know how to fight, but my friends love that part because I’m normally not violent. After that, I hauled ass.

A party or two later, I got into another fight, and it sucked. Fights suck. When the shit hits the fan, it’s better to get away. Trust me.

I made it back to my friend’s house eventually and passed out in my car. Those are my immediate memories. This is either stuff that I’m not sure if it happened or I don’t know when. It’s hard to say, because for the first ten minutes after my friends made it back they wanted to make sure I wasn’t on any really hard drugs.

-I think I ended up in a crack house at one point, or something similar. I really don’t remember this, and it might not have actually happened, but my friends were pretty convinced for a while.

-I walked in on an orgy and left right away. Trust me. They were huge. It was several tons of fun.

-I played beer pong for money. I know it happened, and it wasn’t too late in the partying. I was the only one there making shots effectively and my partner drank everything. But I have no idea when or where beyond that.

-I barfed in someone’s kitchen sink.

-I Snapchatted a friend about hell and damnation. 

-I sat in front of a church and almost passed out. The only reason I didn’t was some drunk chick hit me with a toy sword and almost gave me a concussion. I suppose I owe her for that, I’d never have made it back without her doing that.

There’s probably a lot more. That might only be ten percent of what happened. But it’s all I got.

Now, I usually don’t party without my friends, but I had one hell of a night. So hell yes I’m going back this year, and we stick together this time. My bro, the one I went with, he got back several hours after I did with a smile on his face, a chicken hat on his head, and no idea how lost he had been. Should be fun.”

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