“So, one night back in the fall semester, my roommate comes home from a toga party at the frat he was pledging at the time. Gets in having no idea how he got home, can barely remember who his date is, and is trying to get lucky. I asked if he has condoms and, of course, he doesn’t. So my ass has to get up and drive down to CVS to get the kind he likes for him.
On the way to CVS, I almost get hit by a truck. Motherfucker ran a red light and about took my ass out. After calming down for a second, I finally get to CVS and get the goods.
Eventually get back to the apartment. The doors unlocked so I just walk in. I yell out, “Hey fuckstick, I’ve got your…”
Before I can finish my sentence, I see my roommate on the couch, back facing me, arms spread on the back rest, naked. Right after that, the girl’s head pops up (Who’s also naked). She looks right at him and says, “I thought you said he was gone.”
“Oh, hey buddy!” my roommate drunkenly exclaims at me.
I just stand there for a solid couple of seconds. Then the laughter comes. I swear to god I thought I was going to die laughing. The whole while my roommate is laughing too, while his date is constantly apologizing. After I calm down, I just cover my eyes, throw the condoms at them, and go to my room, still laughing. He ask what the condoms are and I lose it again laughing and just shut my door.
All was quiet for about… 5 minutes or so. Then, imagine the noise that you hear when you put your finger in your mouth to make a popping noise. Now, imagine that but 5 times as loud. That noise comes from the living room and I start dying laughing again. Shes getting all worked up that I can hear and my roommate is just laughing his ass off again. After some shuffling around I hear his door open and close. Things got silent for a while, then the loud banging started. For all of 5 minutes. Then my roommate comes stumbling into my room in his boxers just laughing and asks me for the girls name.
And that’s when the fight started.”