For some people, getting into a relationship can be challenging. For others, it’s nothing new. However, people are different, and relationships are different. So in that case, everyone starts out in the relationship differently unless of course
What some people forget is that relationships will tend to change over time. I call them phases simply because couples usually go with the flow and end up in situations that they don’t know how to get out of. Here’s another thing, everyone always say they want the perfect relationship when in reality, that’s never going to happen unless your conscious says so.
Phase One: The Attraction Phase
This is where you actually see the person you want to get in touch with. Fast forward after you are with that person- this is the time where you both get to know each other. You begin to talk to that person, you acknowledge how (s)he is, and you start to develop a connection. Now for some people it may be a little different. Suppose you already knew this person for a long time and were already friends….That sometimes MAY or sometimes MAY NOT be a challenge. Because, for some friends, you don’t want to jeopardize the friendship even after a break-up occurs, or anything in the long run.
Phase Two: The Honeymoon Phase
This phase is absolute crucial but every couple will go through it regardless. Remember back when you saw that person for the first time, and your whole world went crazy? That person was the most attractive person ever and you decided to play the game and go after it. Well, through time, tensions within the relationship will develop. So what exactly is “The Honeymoon Phase”? This phase is where your love for this person grows beyond excitement each day. You’re finally with the person who you’re meant to be with (or at least think). Is this where new couples spend the time getting to know more about each other? Well kind of. The first few months of dating is where it will be most intense due to the fact the chemical of “infatuation” arises. People say that it’s not the person you’re in love with, but you’re in love with the way you feel about yourself when you’re around your partner. Both partners will experience the bonding process in which if you’re compatible, it will lead to the next phase within “Attachment”. Here is what I believe a good problem lies…. When in the honeymoon phase, be careful that your sense of pride will get to your head.
Phase A: The Attachment Phase: The attachment phase is where you literally become attached to that person physically and mentally. Physically you’re attached on the level to where you are sexually attracted to that person, yet you want to always be with that person. Mentally, you are attached because you’re so wrapped up with this person, you forget to see the flaws of that person. These two things are worth your excitement. Here is where you know when you are very attached:
- You can be thinking about that person 24/7.
- You may get jittery about him/her when you see them or if they send you a text message.
- You’re either at work or somewhere far away and you can’t wait to see that person when you get home.
Sometimes the more you spend time with this person, you will eventually believe that this is the most perfect person. Reality will not set it in, but your pride and fantasy will.
Phase B: Pride and Fantasy: Like I said before, as you’re with the person for a long period of time, your pride and fantasy will increase. You will think this person is perfect and is the right one but will fail to realize the given flaws of your partner and yourself. Fantasy is beyond the given facts. It’s what we see and want that possibly may not happen. Fantasy is what we want to see, hear, or think within the relationship in which we do see, but only in this stage. Pride is where the person cherishes superiority, dignity, and importance within the relationship. Pride makes us think we are able to hold a relationship and be strong. Too much pride can ruin a relationship. Since pride is a huge topic, I will write a whole separate column on that, however I do want to talk most about is how pride can cause one to be insecure about others, or they hold themselves to think the relationship will be very superior as if it leads to marriage. Sometimes Pride changes the way you act around others. There are also times where you have so much pride built in yourself you do anything to keep the relationship going strong. Do you want help? You must not be afraid to ask. There are times where we as humans need to quit having so much pride or else it makes us a horrible person. The way how I also view pride in a relationship, is where you will eventually focus more on the person and the relationship more than anything else. You will do all you can to defend it, keeping that person, do all you can to love that person, and focus more so on the good that you will never know what will hit you once a break-up occurs. So don’t always make a huge deal whether you’re showing off someone to the world, bragging, or that everything is perfect.
Phase C: Dating, Spending Time, and The Social Scene: There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating or spending time with one another, however, chances are in this stage it’s most likely to occur a lot. The moment you’re with this person as the feelings increase will be constant spending time with that person or going out on dates. Within this phase, you will have the urge to impress your partner and shower that person with gifts and praise. Unless you’re married or engaged, every single one on one activity you do is considered a “date”. Going to the movies, dinner, lunch, or anything with just the two of you only is considered a date. Now on to the fact of spending time together. Spending time with your partner so much will increase the comfort zones. Within this phase, this is where you will be spending more time with your partner more than ever. For some couples, here is where the comfort zone comes in, if you are in this early stage of the relationship, someone will eventually get extremely comfortable by acting as the “spouse”. Acting as the spouse will eventually come off as if you now have access to your partner’s things, house, or any other item that is personal to your partner. One can also think that you will become more personable to them.
The social scene can go two separate routes…
Route A: You are now going the route to where it’s just you and your partner alone. Wave good bye to your old habits, friends, social life, and family. Because, now your partner is officially your main focus.
Route B: Now for some people, you can go out and have a good time with friends, but you have to realize that your partner will want to feel included or else (s)he will get jealous and feel excluded and think they’re not important. Always think about the ways you will include someone. But since this is only the honeymoon phase either route you take will always be a result in including your partner.
Phase D-Change: Often times when we are with the one we love, we go our way to do as much as possible to keep that person we want. Sometimes a relationship can determine how much we change as a person, only if the change is for the goodness sake of yourself, or if it’s for the sake goodness of your partner. This a factor played in the honeymoon phase…If my partner had limitations, I would have to change myself so that I can please her, or she would have to adjust so that she can please me. This is perhaps one of my ultimate pet peeves in the honeymoon phase. Changing the way you act and think just because you’re trying to fully impress the person, or if couples utilize things to influence each other, shouldn’t be the case. However, this will happen regardless of anything.
There are many things to the honeymoon phase which will makes us humans a whole new person. Whether it’s our partner that causes us to transition into a whole new person, or if it’s our own conscious, we just don’t know how much it really affects us until we will see it in the outcomes AFTER the honeymoon phase. The phases within the phase I have listed out above is only certain points, but the reason why I say it’s crucial is because we see and hear what we want to see and hear, but we don’t think or act on what to do. Like I said, we are more focus on impressing that person, we are wrapped up into making the relationship work with all that we can. We call this the fantasy period because everything we see and do in the relationship turns out to be non-reality of what love really is (Hence why it’s called “the honeymoon phase”). We want a perfect relationship, yet it’s not going to happen. This is the phase where it will play constant tricks on you, your partner, and your environment. Within this phase, we are always going to be oblivious to lies and broken promises that may occur. We may say and think one thing but 40 something odd years later may not even matter for some couples. THIS is the phase where we don’t act or think. This phase is the one phase where I myself would have to think and act where do I want to go from here before the next phase comes.
Here are the signs you are still in the honeymoon phase.
1. Fighting is at a minimum. Every Relationship is going to have fights and problems, if you’re not having a fights or disagreements, something’s wrong.
2. Like fighting, everything you do and say will always have common grounds of agreement. Don’t feel pressured that you always have to constantly agree to what your partner says. You have to disagree on some levels in in life.
3. In one article I read, insulting one another is a no-go in this phase. Even though you should respect each other, little of this is also a result.
4. Constant PDA, and Sex. This can be okay to a certain extent, but it doesn’t necessarily mean “appreciation”. Eventually it will fade out. Another con to this in the honeymoon phase is basically the feel of being the one. Once a virginity is given up, you could lose that person, and now you’re stuck with the thought of being left out in the dust. This is the ONLY period where you will have regular sex on a daily basis.
5. If you are constantly dwelling more and more on that person and not being independent or hanging around other people outside your circle, chances are you should do so. Keep in mind-Constant Dating.
6. Not being blinded with the flaws that person has. Remember there will be things that will annoy you. It’s time to start hiding the fact to accept it and learn to know what you like or dislike.
There are many signs that will tell you if your honeymoon phase is over. Once it’s over, your next phase will soon kick in REALITY. It’s extremely hard to move past this phase. Some don’t want to move on while others don’t know how to move on. Love develops over time just like we do. But once you realize the excitement lmes to an end, then you will know the next phase has started. Start being aware of the many signs in this phase, and start coming up with goals and plans. You never know what situation you will find yourself in with the honeymoon phase.