“Ran into my exs best friend at a party, figured we’d screw around a little bit. Realized he is 10x the man my ex was and fell in love with each other instead. Found the man I’m going to marry! #loveatfirstsight #whowouldhavethought #foundtheone”
“I feel like when you are overweight no guy looks at you nowadays. It kinda hurts…. Especially when you like a guy and you wanna talk to him but you are afraid he will reject you because of your size”
“On halloween, a friend of mine stole a BBQ grill from a frat house and carried it across campus to his dorm. He kept it for an entire month until his roommate got fed up and called me to leave it in an elevator. The grill has not been seen ever since.”
“Everyone’s bragging about their 4.0 GPA this term, and I’m over here calling my mom and telling her how happy I am that I passed all my classes with C’s”
“Took adderall to help me study for finals and during my study break I saw a video of a mountain goat climbing a mountain on Instagram…immediately went on YouTube and spent over 3 hours watching videos of mountain goats climbing mountains, thanks adderall”
“My boyfriend loves me but no one know because no one knows the real him. He’s great to me when it’s just me and him but cheats and lies when he’s away. Do I stay or do I go?”
“Boy 1. My ex boyfriend who says he misses me and wants to get back together. He’s controlling and gets mad easily but I fell so in love with him and he’s the only boy to ever give be an orgasm.
Boy 2. One of my good friends who treats me like an absolute princess. He would do anything for me but the histories not there and he’s a virgin so I don’t know if I’m sexually attracted to him.
What do I do?”
“I hated my roommate so much this year that I’m actually moving out of my dorm. But she went home for the holidays before me so I left a gift for her in the room before I left: I treated myself to her vodka that she left in the room and then proceeded to vomit all over her closet because her trash can was too far away”
Buddy’s parents left for the weekend so naturally threw a bomb kegger. Parents called to say they were coming back early. Ended up trying to clean the place, was so hammered we ended up putting an empty keg in the dishwasher so “his mom wouldn’t yell at him for leaving dirty dishes around”…….”
“So I’d been seeing this girl for roughly 6 months. We’d been sleeping together and having a hell of a time. I was even beginning to have real feelings for this girl. So one day I’m told by this other girl in class that my girl is cheating on me. Come to find out she really is. So I broke up with her. Bout a month later I’m bored on pot site and see a link to some milf-hookup site. Sign up cuz I’m girly as f**k and find some older lady to hookup with. So we f**k a couple of times (surprisingly) and then it ends. Come to the schools family night and see my ex. I go over out of common courtesy to say hello and se how she is. Only to discover that the milf is been f*****g, was her grandmother. I laughed so hard and rudely walked away. Still f****d her grandma two more times. #noregrets #karma”