Hunk of the Month: Daniel M. “’I’ll do the cooking, you can clean, baby.”
Daniel is a 22 year-old senior at Rochester Institute of Technology studying Nutrition and Exercise Science. This hottie...
Let’s start this off by saying I’m that golden child. I never do anything wrong and I was, by far, my parent’s favorite son.
I went into college with the mindset that I was never going to drink.
Well… That changed real quick.
Towards the end of my first semester, one of my friends, we’ll call him “Josh”, was taking these two smoking hot chicks with him to a party with a guy we’ll call “Nick”.
Josh told me that if I wanted to go, I had to leave with them right now because they had a DD waiting for them. Obviously I told him to wait a second so I could go and change into some clothes.
I knew they’d been pregaming, but I hadn’t because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do that night. So, while I was in my room, I take an enormous pull of rum (Probably close to 3 or 4 shots) and fill up my flask.
So, on the way there, I end up sitting bitch middle in the backseat. Nick was shotgun, while Josh and one of the girls sat on either side of me.
Where was the other girl?
She was, of course, laying across the 3 of us in the back seat. And, being the huge virgin that I was at the time, couldn’t help but think I had this SMOKING HOT CHICK’S ASS on my lap. I mean, she was wayyy out of my league. but I made it my mission that tonight, I’d f**k this chick.
Or at the very least, get some head.
By the time we get to the party I’m still sober and think to myself that I couldn’t possibly do this sober. So I drank some more out of my flask and drink some Jungle Juice (I hadn’t quite got the whole beer thing down by this point, but don’t worry I do now).
So after a little time went by, I got a lot drunker. I see Holly standing alone at a table on her phone.
So, naturally, I walk up to her.
I started off with some, “How are you?,” bullshit and then said, “You’re Holly right?”
And she said, “How’d you know that?”
Then I told her I was the one she was laying on top of.
We talked for a good 20-30 minutes and I thought we hit it off pretty good. Then she said she had to go to the bathroom. So while she was doing her thing, Nick comes up to me and says something to the effect of: “Dude, it’s going real good with you and her, why don’t you ask if she wants to go upstairs? Her friend says she’s real easy.”
Regretfully, I ignored Nick. She came back and I ended up chugging the rest of my JJ, (keep in mind I’ve had 6-7 cups of it by now and my flask was empty.)
So I thought I’d be a nice guy and ask if Holly wanted any too. She declined, explaining that she was way too drunk. So I offered to get her some water.
So I get the drinks and we start talking again and suddenly this guy starts to text her. Turns out it was her recent ex boyfriend, or some shit like that. She asks me if she should reply, and I say that I’m not going to tell her what to do, and I’m not going to mess with it.
(Yeah, dumbfuck, you shoulda said no)
Things kinda of dissolve from memory after this.
Next thing I remember is that we all headed back to the dorms to order Jimmy Johns. Were chilling in Josh’s room and suddenly, I feel the urge to puke.
So I run to the bathroom and I yak the better part of the night out into the toilet.
After I finished puking, I walk out of the bathroom, past two cops (Amazingly), and back to my own dorm to tidy myself up before seeing if I could get Holly to come back to my room with me.
And right as I’m walking to my door, I feel the urge to puke again.
And I mean, really puking. And I, for some reason, thought it’d be a good idea to turn the lights off and lock the door shut before all of that.
Wake up a few hours later with my head in the trash can, bile covering my face.
Then I drunkenly decide to crawl into my bed, puke covering me, and fall back asleep.
Was disappointing to see myself wake up with my bed also covered in vomit too.
Moral of the story?
Handle you’re f*****g liquor, and you can get f*****g laid.
“Met this random chick at a party and 15 minutes later she was sucking my dick in the bathroom. My best friend texted me at the time “what you doing”? I told him the truth and said getting my dick sucked. He didn’t believe me so I went to snapchat and took a pic of it and before I could click send the chick grabbed my phone saw it then punched me really hard in the chest and said, GTFO. #winning”
“Moved college and f****d two 9′s on that first weekend. #turnup”
“Ex girlfriend broke up with me while we were getting drunk with her mom… She passed out and her mom gave me head, and blew me again the next day #milf #bestbreakupever”
“I keep condoms next to my bed just in case.. Still haven’t used one and my gf sleeps with me every night #2yrGF #WhatsPussy?”
Ever seen the movie “Hot Chick” with Rob Schneider—the one where he wakes up and finds that he’s turned into a girl? Well…that’s not exactly what...